by Evan Newman
April 1, 2019
Tossing and turning throughout the night, two-year-old Bradley Hopper made sure to ruin everyone’s night.
While watching T.V. is one of every child’s passions, bedtime clearly is not for young Hopper, who was outraged when he could not continue learning his colors with Elmo this past Tuesday in Howard County, Maryland.
“I can’t believe they won’t let me watch Elmo and Big Bird learn their ABC’s!” Hopper half-screamed to the reporters as he chucked his sippy cup across the room. The time was then just after 10pm, and according to his parents, staying up that long causes Hopper to get grumpy. “And they say they want me to grow up to be smart and be a doctor. How am I supposed to do that if I can’t even let Elmo teach me what green is?”
According to Mrs. Jenny Hopper, Hopper’s mother, Hopper has been growing “increasingly difficult” as he grows older. Now that he is nearly three, Hopper has requested “More T.V. time because I’m a big boy now!”
However, after thirty minutes of interviewing, Hopper soon fell asleep -thumb in ketchup-covered mouth, Optimus Prime onesie on- and could not answer any more questions. Mr. and Mrs. Hopper, after taking Hopper back to his crib, told numerous sources he would not get his Cheerios tomorrow as punishment for causing such a fuss.
Image taken from HUNGOVER BABY- The Aftermath video on Youtube.